Lesson 11 of 12
In Progress

Why There’s Really No Need for Low-Self Esteem

I know a lot of people who have almost non-existent self-esteem, which I find both upsetting and difficult to understand. I’ve been practicing and sharing these self-care tips for years! Let me tell you, it’s certainly better than wallowing in self-loathing. The thing is as well that these people have so much going for them that it defies all logic.

One of them is fancied by all our female friends, has got an amazing job working with celebrities and oozes charisma. A lot of people would swap their lives and bodies for his and yet he tells me all the time that he doesn’t see himself as at all successful and doesn’t ‘like’ himself.

I’m not among those people who would swap lives however as I’m perfectly happy with mine. That doesn’t mean I don’t admire features in him, but I realize that other people probably admire features in me. I, like them, have been given all the tools I need to be able to become whatever I want to be.

So rather than wishing I was more like someone, my time would be much better spent actually working towards becoming more like them in that area. I can pick the best assets of every person I admire and mimic them, and once you’ve learned those skills you’ll appreciate them far more.

Want to be fitter? Get a gym membership.

Want to be more charismatic? Spend more time with other people and develop your posture and conversational style.

See these setbacks not as something to get upset about, but as challenges. Imagine you’re in the film Rocky – a montage starts
and you train until you’re great at the things you want to be great
at. I used to wish I could trade my life with celebrities who’d already found success and love – but the thrill is all in the chase.

You’re a work in progress and if you work your way up to the top you can enjoy it properly with the sense of perspective that is required to get there. The minute you start working towards a goal like this you have purpose and a goal and you’re not a ‘nobody’ anymore. You’re a work in progress with grand dreams…

So there truly is no ‘need’ to be unhappy with yourself. If you’re unhappy with an aspect of yourself, then change it. But the other reason I can’t grasp the concept is that I wonder who these guys are measuring themselves against, or what counts as being ‘successful’ or ‘worthwhile’.

The thing is, no one knows what the point of life is, so how can anyone tell you you’re not doing it right? Someone who’s earned no money might consider themselves a failure, but if they have lots of friends and family and have to lead a full life then who can tell them that? So long as you pursue what you enjoy it doesn’t matter if you’re ‘successful’.

Furthermore, no one should judge anyone else on their behavior because they can’t really know what’s going on in that person’s life. If you’re acting unusual perhaps you have good motivation too? Perhaps there is a method to your madness? Or perhaps you’re experiencing trouble in your personal life. The real point is not to defer to the approval of others and not to let it control you. Only you can judge the value of what you do. Follow your own beliefs in your own way and you will be successful in your own eyes.